| Bible study with Prayer
I didn’t realize I had been living a life of fear in my 20s until I did some reflecting tonight. The fear that so starved me of having a beautiful transformative life as a believer in Jesus (Yeshua) was mostly because the unknown was mostly packaged in a distant worry — I’ll handle it when the time arrives. I perceived the future to be difficult to imagine, so I couldn’t even pick a major to stick with while in college. I had so many interests that any class I’d find inspiring, anything but math, triggered my full attention. This left me changing my major while also avoiding the math prerequisite. Regardless of how I perceived the future job hunting struggles, that didn’t change the fact that it was a struggle to even have a healthy and meaningful romantic relationship. The questions arrived of, “will I ever find the one?”
As years passed and I struggled with mental health issues and the reality of taking medication that assisted with weight gain over time, I became fearful of fully gaining back the same weight that I had lost when I changed colleges. I had gained the weight at the first college I attended out of state at the schools’ multitude of dining all-you-can-eat buffets. The freshman 15 was more like a sophomore 46. By my sophomore year in college, while I was attending school out of state in Massachusetts, I surpassed the expected homesick expectation by 46 extra pounds. I didn’t even know how much I weighed until I went to an on-campus doctor’s appointment. The doctor didn’t even have to say anything, I saw the 206lbs flash in bold digital numbers.
Over time after losing the weight, I became so fearful of reaching the 200s again that not only did I lose the weight, I surpassed losing the weight by 10 lbs to where I weighted 150 lbs which ended up being the lightest I’d ever weighed as a teenager and adult.
While reflecting on the word of God I had an epiphany today when I realized I’m in a season of refinement after learning to love myself and learning to live a fearless life. I remembered the bible verse saying, “Perfect love casts out fear”, so I chose to look at the whole verse to better understand what am I truly fearful of that is crippling and keeping me from living a fearless and abundant life.
In 1 John 4:18 KJV
18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
If we say we love our bodies, our family, that we have a roof over our head, that we care about our significant others yet we don’t show any or all of these gifts gratitude, then why do we squander what God gives freely? What are we truly afraid of in life? Ask yourself what is holding you back from living the life that you not only deserve but that you are fearless in, knowing that Jesus (Yeshua) will carry you through. If we say we serve a great God, yet we can’t fully comprehend God’s timing then who are we serving? From experience, of leaving a career on God’s timing and not my own (I would have stayed there much longer) I’ve come to realize that my fear was tied up in the what-ifs similar to the what-ifs of my weight going up.
Its love that our savior died on the cross as the atonement for our sins, and rose from the dead to give eternal life and the promise of the holy spirit. This beautiful pathway of eternal life would reach us even within the diaspora. What a loving and wonderful God we serve! That Jesus loved and knew us all so well that he said specifically that he came for the “lost sheep of the house of Israel” Matthew 15:24, knowing that there would be many people scattered, whether from slavery, war, from marriage, or even just relocating for having a better life. Regardless Jesus’ love was so powerfully intentional that it took him dying on the cross and rising again on the third day, to not only fulfill a prophecy of old but to replenish what had been lost when sin first entered the world.
It took me years to realize that I was stuck in a fear-driven life based on the uncertainty of the unknown. also while being a black female in Colorado. As a minority as a teen, I disliked my black self in the mirror and especially my hair. it took until my 20s before I learned that black is beautiful. And it was imperative for me to embrace the woman that I am. And even now, post-slavery black Americans are still healing from generational turmoil and trauma. Whatever we are fearful of in life, might have its power within generational history. As you grow in knowing your history and self better, don’t allow comfortability to be an example of fearlessness. Showing love to others, especially loving ourselves, should be at the forefront of what we do in life.
I want to encourage you. Purchase a journal today. The journal that you purchase makes sure you fall in love with it the first time you see it and when you open it up for the first time write down three crippling fears in your life. After writing them down, write a prayer specific to those fears that hold you back, asking Jesus to deliver you from them. Chose to no longer torment yourself with the things that you’re afraid of choosing a completely surrendered relationship to Jesus where you become a problem solver instead of a fear gripper. Where you see the storm before the clouds to prepare but you don’t overdo anything to create anxiety or torment. Remember, there is a balance to life, that when Jesus walked on this earth not only was he very intentional but focused until the end where he had to be crucified.
As you work on healing from your fear I’m going to strive to eat and live healthily and to also do exercises that balance my lifestyle. As you form habits I am forming mine. Don’t think for once that starting this blog is easy. But the beauty with Jesus is that he takes us through things so that we can learn to grow and be fearless in our faith while experiencing his full restorative love that is absent of torment. The past has no hold on you, only your dwelling on the past has a hold.
Let’s join hands as people of God and acknowledge that not only are we fighters but we are the glue to healthy relationships, a flourishing business a great work environment, and a beautiful home. Don’t allow hatred or anger, pain, turmoil, or mental illness to dictate your life from having a fearless perspective in the midst of adversity. Don’t let body image stop you from acknowledging you have the power to move mountains with your voice, words, and wisdom. If there is a purpose you see for yourself then find out what you need through research and reading and seek God in working it out. God desires you to run the race of life successfully and that can be seen both spiritually and physically.
Acknowledge in writing and prayer to God that you are not stuck, hopeless, or afraid of the gifts God has given you. You are extraordinary and you carry multitudes of survivors on your shoulders through the gift of life — your lineage lives through you. You’re here for a reason! ❤️
Lord Jesus,
I thank you and praise you for the person reading this prayer. I declare fearless Life for them. I ask that you prepare us as people for the purpose that you’ve called for our lives. I ask that as you prepare us for the calling, purpose, and history that we are in the making you give us the ability to be fearless. God in our faith that our faith and relationships will move mountains. God, please help us to see how beautiful we are in the power of our words in the way we change lives for the best, and in the restorativeness of our cultivating ways. That our looks merely 2% of the majesty that we carry. That as our creator you specifically designed us to operate as light in a darkened world. Please Lord help to sustain us and give us hope for a bright future. Jesus, I thank you and praise you that we will see the fruits of our labor and that you will continue to give and support our business endeavors, and leadership position(s) that you have called us to. That we will not live our lives in the void but in action. May the kindness we seek be the fearless love we give. Break us of fear and as you show us what fearlessness is God please restore our hearts back to knowing what unconditional love is. Please show us fearless love helps us to have the same love of this kind for ourselves just as much as it’s given to others.
Thank you, Heavenly Father,
Amen
