Thank you for teaching me unconditional love and the power of fighting through adversity, even when the chances of living are slim. Without you, I wouldn’t be here. I’m a woman so strong in her faith in God that Mountains would not only be moved but silenced as they crumble so gracefully to the ground. That these hills and valleys would be built up as I had been the moment I realized my power of choosing life in the midst of a crumbling foundation would put me in bouts of strength, power, and a sound mind. That in the midst of fear you showed me I can be loved and love others. That in the midst of destruction I could be victorious by seeing the beauty in someone different yet more mentally distraught than me. That this battle of justice is not just my fight for freedom but in the poetic-ness of truth… it’s learning to hand over the baton of a race that I’m out of breath for – to theLord. Manic you taught me to fight when it’s hard, to love when it’s not given back, and to stand up for righteousness in the midst of hatred. Throughout everything that I’ve learned, I know that you are putting me into a position regardless of the medication I take to hush you. As the Christina with Mania is replaced with a stable mind, body, and soul — I’m instead of fear a sin under the influence I’m in the realm of love. What’s left is knowing that we are stronger than what we think and more powerful than can be known. Mania you had me weeping under a tree at 21 years of age, putting thoughts of shame that I was Eve carrying the burdens of a dynasty of sinners, yet turning away the shame to seek refuge and hope in the Lord. Mania the Manic you’re a golden smog in the outpouring of toxic summer rain. You’re a love letter with nothing inside but flowers. You’re a hand in the face — showing that my destiny of life is about to change. And you’re a moon in the sky visible before the dawn is about to break. Manic the Mania you’re a cage fighter coach that screams victory over the death of a brain saying———— enough, “choose life”. And so I choose that the way my brain has been put into position is beautiful and that beauty transcends just the way it was forever meant to be….
Dear Mania the Manic | Love Letter to my Bipolar
