Endurance through Character Building from the Pains of Life

I’ve been MIA. The honest truth is that there has been a lot that’s changed since the last time that I posted. Besides my sister getting married, my two-year relationship ended after my ex and I decided that our relationship was going in two different directions, based on our separate expectations. The person that I felt had been my match for life, ended things with the words, “I love you just as a friend.” The power of those words led me to not only accept them but to understand that God had me on a journey of self-discovery and healing. 

Since the ending of that relationship, not everything has come easy. Meaning that my faith in God had been challenged. I was a victim of a car accident where the driver rear-ended the car behind me right after I had parked on the side of my neighborhood road. The abrupt impact and rattling of my vehicle left me dumbfounded and in shock. As I got out of my car I saw the reckless driver get out of his truck with no remorse for what happened except for himself. He was selfishly worried for his sake, yet in my shock and utter speechlessness my only common sense was to trust him when he explained that he needed to move his truck just “out of traffic”.

After the man un-wedged himself from the other two vehicles that he crashed into, I saw the man drive off and not even stop. As he drove off the only thing I could do was write down his Washington license plate on my cellphone. So much more happened that night that took place within a blink of an eye. I called my good friend Aly and cried as I explained to her everything. Then after getting off the phone with her I called 911. Shortly after, my little brother Michael called, he told me that Aly mentioned everything and that he was on his way. Everything happened in God’s timing the way he designed it, yet I was left basking in the realization that I needed to heal. And so for the first time in my life, I took the time needed to heal from my anger, pain and sorrow. I rested more, took time for myself, and stood up for myself to complete everything I needed to do to fix the damage to my vehicle. I worked more hours at my job and side hustles, to prepare for paying my deductible and rental fees so that I wouldn’t drown myself in financial stress.

Overall, it had been the first time in my life that I realized I had been putting so much time and energy into others yet doing little to ensure that my mind, body, heart, and peace were stable to give back and feed into those that needed it most. Now I’m better because of my decision to rest. I’m not perfect but I’ve realized that it’s because of God’s grace, mercy, and love that I get the chance to write this blog entry. I’m so blessed that I’m okay, that my back isn’t forever damaged and that there were zero issues with the rest of my body. From then to now I’ve realized that there is nothing I can do without the love and mercifulness of Christ and that everything in my life that I experience is because of him. Today, I receive every good and perfect gift for he is the one that sustains me no matter what obstacle I may face.

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Boom! That was the sound of my airbags when they deployed…

It was September 2018 when I got into my first real accident. It was my fault, I knew it the moment the impact took place. BOOM! It took not only seconds for me to feel the full impact of the air backs that deployed at the same time my seat belt tightened. I was on my way to work. It was my normal route that I had driven for years to get to my job, five days a week. I wasn’t in school during this time in my life so my full-time schedule ensured that I was at 40 hours a week and 80 hours every two weeks. Work was highly important to me but on this particular day, changing the music to my song was more important. The impact happened right after I changed a Lauren Hill song on my phone that had iTunes shuffle on. It was my playlist and the shuffling ensured that I wouldn’t listen to the same song as I always had. I was in the far left lane at the time of the accident. The lane did not have a left turning lane until a while and I had just passed the intersection. 

Time is strange for I can’t even count how quickly the accident occurred from when Lauren Hill’s voice boomed from my speakers to when I switched the song… and to the second I found myself screaming to a song I can’t remember. My scream echoed as my airbags smoked. I couldn’t even comprehend the damage to the SUV in front of me for I had pulled over as I yelled franticly. I got out of my vehicle coughing while a man yelled at me to sit down and that they were calling 911. I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it to my shift the second I was told to sit down. When I called my boss he explained that I was in shock and it would take time before the pain was caused by the accident. As soon as the call went click. I didn’t even process what he said. As the fire department arrived and cut the battery to my smushed the car. They checked on me to make sure I was okay. The police officer arrived to complete the accident report and I filled it out preciously just in case we had to take it to court. 

I never spoke to the person I hit. In fact, they moved the vehicle into the Pep Boys parking lot. By the time the tow truck dropped me off at my home and parked my totaled Infiniti in front of my house, I could feel the pain on my right side. It was dreadful. My parents’ home was filled with my 7 siblings and all of them expressed that God’s plan for me was bigger than the accident and that his protection was clear. As I explained to them that I didn’t know why the person would stop I then made terms with how it was what it was, a product of the past. The best I could do at this point was focus on the future. 

The next morning my Dad took me to Kaiser Permanente to get checked by a doctor. The doctor quickly sent me away saying I needed to go to the emergency room at the closest hospital that was a part of their health care plan. As my dad drove me I knew that it was destiny and that whatever I faced would be okay. That fate had me where I was because God was trying to teach me something. In the emergency room, the doctor checked on me, and had me complete a series of scans to find that I had a fractured rib and that I would need to have more of an office job until I healed. 

This accident changed my life. Not in the sense of my injury, but it allowed me to grow up by purchasing a new vehicle and having the focus and drive to pay it off in six months. Because of the accident, I ended up experiencing the legal process when the victim chose to sue my insurance. I had to learn what it was like to experience a deposition, a two-hour discussion where I was questioned on my integrity and honesty. Where I had to speak up and tell the truth before trial. Through it all, I learned that life happens quickly. Where this accident took place and I was at fault. How my recent accident I became a victim of a hit and run, all of these situations in life can’t be changed. All that’s possible to do is see the benefit, because if anything accidents happen to build one’s character, whether they see it that way or not. 

I declare that I am a victor and not a victim and that I am wonderfully and beautifully made. That even though things may come my way to cut down, hurt, and destroy me, my heavenly father is sustaining me and guiding me back to his original purpose for my life. That his plan for me is beyond anything that I could ever imagine and that financially, spiritually, and emotionally I will thrive as a single woman in Denver that could have been killed in life yet lives to tell her story. Through everything these past years and months I’ve learned that even though trials and tribulations arise to knock us down and destroy us, the God-given strength that we have ensures that our lives are healed by the very creator that weaved us in our mother’s womb.

I am a woman with flaws and with a reflective perspective, I take a step back to recognize that every single moment good or bad is meant to refine and mold me into gold.